KC Mothership

Royals play the St. Louis Cardinals this weekend.  Please enjoy Vacation’s youtube video that excellently portrays St. Louis.

I thank god everyday that my Grandpa moved away from St. Louis to Kansas City back in his heyday.  My grandpa was from Jeff City and he wanted to venture out to one of the bigger cities of Missourah so he went to the more popular one St. Louis.  Well it only took my grandpa a couple years of dealing with those fart sniffing, noses in the air, what high school did you go to, East Coast wannabes, Chitown’s bitches, side burn loving, capri wearing, Inbev drinking, crime filled, uptight pubic butt lickers to know this was no place to live.

My grandpa made the smartest move of his life and he moved across the state to Merica’s BBQ capital good Ol KC.  I wish that was my only St. Louis connection, but unfortunately my wife was born in St. Louis.  She couldn’t stand it so when she was 2 years old she moved away.  She had a chance to go back to St. Louis after college, but she said she would rather be raped by a dude on bath salts then to go back to that snob city.  Unfortunately my N’laws and many other relatives live there so I frequent the city on a regular basis so I know the people inside in and out.  On top of that I went to college with a large number of St. Losers and am still best friends with a St. Loser from college.  I still don’t believe my buddy is originally from St. Louis because he was too cool and won’t believe it until he produces a birth certificate.

So I have a vast expertise in the St. Louis community.  I will tell you now St. Louis Cardinal fans are like Jayhawk fans.  They think they are better then everyone, but have a major inferiority complex due to teams such as Yankees and Kentucky.  They can not stand that there is a more dominant team in their ONE sport they follow because no other sports matter.

They act like other teams such as the Royals don’t matter.  When everyone knows that it matters to them or else they would not go out of their way to dog your teams when anything happens to them.  Or they wouldn’t travel across the state every year to show off their team spirit.  St. Louis gets off on showing up in KC and saying were the best team in Missourah.  If you really didn’t care about the Royals then you wouldn’t do that.  A bigger statement is sitting at home and saying its not worth your time to go visit a farm team.

On top of that, there is not a time when I visit St. Louis that I don’t get with a snide smile “Hows that farm team of yours doing”  Then of course I say our 1985 I-70 World Series Championship team is still shitty. Then we go to war.

St. Louis people care so much to see KC suffer for beating them in the World Series.  Though in their defense I will say ever since the Cardinals won the World Series in 2006 they have definitely taken a chill pill.  It was actually a relief to see them pull the lump of coal out of their ass and enjoy life for a few seconds.

I’m just glad that the rivalry has died a little bit over the years and we’ve learn to grow in harmony together as our state college moves to the SEC.  Overall though there is hatred there that will never go away and as long as Royals and Cardinals battle it out we will get to revisit this every year. (I wish I could say the same about the Chiefs and Lambs but the Lambs might not be in St. Lickass much longer)

Lets Go Blue!!!

-I should have spent all week writing this up but I threw this post together this afternoon so please help me with what sucks about St. Louis…