KC Mothership

How do the Chiefs stack up against Phillis and the tittyilious Chargers cheerleaders?

Bleacher Report provided stats for the San Diego Chargers players.

QB: Phillip Rivers vs. Matt Cassel- This is a no brainer. Rivers has had 1 down year in the last 5 years and All Pro years for the rest.  Rivers has missed out on the playoffs the last 2 years though.  Either way Rivers is a bitchass who is a dominating QB so he gets the nod over Cassel.

Running Back: Ryan Mathews vs. Jamaal Charles- This battle is getting tighter then Marsha Brady at prom.  Ryan Mathews took steps forward last year and Jamaal took steps backward last year due to injury but overall CharlesNCharge still wins this battle.  Mathews still fumbles, gets hurt (he’s hurt right now and might miss a handful of games, no one knows yet) and can’t hit the home run like Charles can.

Fullback: Leron McClain vs. Peyton Hillis- This is a hard one too. Leron is a beast that never got a fair shot while playing for the Chiefs.  After 1 preseason game though Hillis looks ridiculously good running the ball and catching the ball.  Hillis is a much bigger bazooka then McClain.

WR: Malcom Floyd vs. Dwayne Bowe- History says this battle goes to Bowe.  Bowe has had a few 1000 yard seasons with a Pro Bowl under his belt.  Floyd has never had a 1000 yard season and hasn’t been a featured #1 for a whole season. 

WR 2: Robert Meachem vs. Jonathan Baldwin- Baldwin’s upside is way higher than Meachem’s.  But Meachem is a proven 2nd WR comodity.  The proven NFL player gets the nod in this battle-Meachem.

WR 3/Slot Receiver: Eddie Royal vs. Breaston/Dexter- Eddie Royal is very injury prone.  I don’t think the guy has gone a whole season without getting hurt.  He is good for a big play once in a blue moon then he disappears.  The combo of Breaston and Dexter blows Royal away. 

Tight End: Antonio Gates vs. Boss (he’s starter right now) Gates without a doubt has been one of the best TE in the NFL but he can’t stop getting hurt in the last couple of years.  Will he get hurt again? (history says yes) Boss can block better and if Gates gets hurt the nod goes to Gates in this battle.

Tight End 2: Randy McMichael vs. Tony Moeaki- The only thing going for Randy is his amazing wrestling or porn star name. Other then that Tony’s rookie season and upside if he stays healthy blows Randy’s veteran journeyman stats out of the water.  Tony wins this battle.

Left Tackle: Jared Gaither vs. Brandon Albert- Albert was one of the best in the business last year.  Gaither had a couple good games last year and is injury prone.  Gaither will flake out or get hurt. History says Albert wins this battle.

Left Guard: Tyronne Green vs. Jon Asamoah- Green isn’t even the deinite starter.  He won the job by default.  He might suck bad. Jon had a good season last year. Jon wins easily.

Center: Nick Hardwick vs. Rodney Hudson- Nick is a Casey Wigman.  He should be retiring but is giving it 1 more year.  Hudson would be replacing Hardwick if they were on same team.  Hudson wins.

Louis Vasquez vs. Ryan Lilja- These guys are very similar.  Well call it a tie.

Corey Liuget vs. Glenn Dorsey- When typing Corey Liuget first word that comes up is bust. He’s in his second year after a bad rookie season.  Glenn has more experienced and is better right now. Dorsey wins.

Antonio Garay vs. Anthony Toribio- Garay has taken major steps forward the last 2 years proving he’s a force.  Toribio hasn’t proven anything in season yet.  Garay wins this battle.

Luis Castillo vs. Tyson Jackson- Castillo’s production is dropping fast over the last couple of years but unfortunately that matches Jackson’s production.  They are about the same right now but Castillo has had a much better career and is more dependable. Castillo wins.

Outside Linebacker: Shaun Phillips vs. Tamba Hali- Comparing stats from last year Phillips 3.5 sacks and Hali having 12 sacks isn’t even close.  Hali is an All Pro and wins this battle.

Inside Linebacker: Takeo Spikes vs. Derrick Johnson- This is use to be a battle but Spikes time has come and gone. Make way for the new Pro Bowler Johnson.  Johnson is better.

Inside Linebacker: Donald Butler vs. Jevon Belcher- These guys are extremely similar but Butler has a little more upside overall they are the same.

Outside Linebacker: Jarret Johnson vs. Justin Houston- Houston’s rookie season stats has already matched Johnson’s best season stats out of his 10 year career.  Houston’s arrow is pointing and Johnson’s is pointing down.  Houston we have lift off!

Cornerback 1: Quentin Jammer vs. Brandon Flowers- Jammer hasn’t produced for the Chargers fans like Flowers has for the Chiefs fans. Flowers wins this battle.

Cornerback 2: Antoine Cason vs. Stanford Routt- Routt was one of the best cornerbacks on the market in free agency. Cason is barely holding on to his starting job.  Routt wins this battle.

Safety: Eric Weddle vs. Eric Berry- Berry should win this but he was out last year.  Weddle had a great year. Weddle wins this battle.

Safety: Brandon Taylor vs. Kendrick Lewis- Brandon Taylor is an unproven rookie and Lewis had a very good year last year.  All signs point to Lewis winning this battle.

Kicker: Nate Kaeding vs. Ryan Succop- What kicker gets injured? Kaeding I guess…Talk about the world’s biggest pussy.  Succop doesn’t get hurt and wins battle.

Punter: Mike Scifres vs. Dustin Colquitt- Both are great punters but Scifres has been alternate for Pro Bowl so I guess he’s better.

Holy Shit I don’t want to put up the totals for position battles because Chiefs just dominated the Chargers!

Name the position battles where I’m wrong for Chiefs?